19 September 2014

Time for the latest stream of consciousness from ‘Follow Your Nose Tours’ also known as ‘Where  are we Sleeping Tonight Travels’.

We started out with a very limited plan which was based around a week in Derbyshire and then maybe Scotland.  The trip has now evolved into a week in Derbyshire, a week in the Scottish highlands and now a week in the north of England to include Hadrian’s Wall and York and finally a week in Gloucestershire.  Our travels have been somewhat unplanned but that has given us the opportunity to pursue new destinations as locals tells about the local sights and places not to be missed.

I should also warn the reader that my use of the term UK may be redundant by the time you read this.  Today the Scots vote on independence.

• Luxury is a white line
  • After four days of driving on roads the width of one car I can safely say luxury is a white line and a road wide enough for two.  These one-lane roads carry semi trailers, caravans, cars, tour buses, motorbikes and cyclists.  No one goes particularly slow, averaging around 40 mph or 60kph.  Added to the narrow roads is the spectacular scenery, and it’s a rich environment for the regular  OSM.  An OSM is of course an Oh Shit Moment.
  • The driver must be always on the lookout for the Passing Places which are sections of extra width in the road where  you can pull over to let the car coming toward you get past.  The protocol for who stops is not always clear.
  • If travelling on one of these narrow roads try to join a line of cars, oncoming traffic will generally get out of the way of a convoy.  However you will quickly realise the guy in front will pullover to let you in front – no one wants to be the lead car, all will want to follow some other turkey who will enjoy the OSMs.
• Some Favourite road signs:
  • Blind Summit, which means you have no idea what’s coming toward you and cannot see far enough ahead to be prepared.
  • Oncoming traffic in Middle of the Road.  What, why can’t they be on their side of the road and what am I supposed to do with this piece of information, I can’t move over; there is nowhere to go!
  • Weak Road – you should not find a truck on this road
  • Traffic Calming – not designed to avoid road rage, its warning you that there are speed humps ahead.
  • Do Not Follow Satnav on This Road – we decided to turn around when we saw this sign.
  • Road Not Suitable for Motors – and this is the road you are on!
• Signage in General:
  • Every road sign in the UK has a tree growing over at least part of the sign.  I am not talking about all the signs on the Motorways but certainly every sign on the lesser roads.
  • You may find the village or town you are looking for listed on a road sign.  You think – I am on the right track.  At the next intersection your destination is not listed but there is a whole range of other destinations none of which are on your map.  You make a choice.  Ten miles later you realise – I should have taken that turn.  You then have to make a 3 point turn in a one lane road!
  • When  asking for directions you will often get a confused explanation of which roads to take and when to turn, often with comments like ‘at Brown’s Farm’!  The concluding comment will often be ‘its easier when you’re a local cos you just know where to go’.  Of course the point is if I was a local I wouldn’t be asking. (This occurs particularly at information centres.)
  • There are no straight roads in the UK except where the Romans were 2000 years ago.
  • The above comments make me realise that when people have said ‘you can’t get there from here’ or ‘to get there I wouldn’t start from here’ were being perfectly reasonable and weren’t trying to be humorous.
• Coping with change and travel
  • When you arrive in a new country you are faced with all sorts of new challenges; it’s all about coping with change.  Some of this change is at the large scale like language, road rules, legal structures and all of these challenges are readily expected and understood.
  • The next level of change is at the intermediate level like congestion on the road, how you cross a road and whether the traffic will stop for you.  This stuff is interesting and generally enjoyed in a public space
  • The real change occurs in the shower.  You are standing there stark naked ready to hop into a shower and you have no idea how this bloody shower works, how do I get hot water and how do I get water out of the shower head and not the taps (faucets).  This is where the excitement that is travel kicks in.  But I have to ask, how many ways are there to design a shower system?
• Directions sought by people lost.
  • Why do tourists ask other tourists for directions.  We have been asked for directions to the Metro in Paris by Italian tourists (we were able to assist), for directions in Sydney (no help at all from me), in London and New York.  Why do they think visitors can help?
  • Whilst going for a walk in Matlock, Derbyshire I was asked for directions to the castle by people from either Poland or another eastern European country (I was able to help) and then by a local who just wanted to get back to Matlock and wasn’t sure of how to get back to the main road.   I was also able to assist but when I commented that I was also lost the driver just left me standing on the side of the road, standing there with my flawed map.
  • This phenomenon reached new heights when I was asked in the very old part of Durham ‘was this the way to turn off the water?’  The enquiry came from a man down on his knees in the middle of the pavement in the very old part of Durham outside what I presume to be his restaurant. The building was Tudor.   I did in fact advise that what he was doing was correct and that he should now go inside turn on a tap and see if the water stopped running.  He didn’t seem at all bothered by the fact the advice was coming from someone who was clearly not of Durham nor the wider UK in fact.  Amazing.
• Black Holes
  • Have you noticed that when travelling your whole world can fit into one or two suitcases.  However when you settle into your room, cottage or house your possessions expand to fill every room.  They are in the bathroom, the bedroom, the kitchen, everywhere.  How can all this stuff fit back into those small suitcase but it does.  I think this is how Black Holes work; everything is packed into suitcases that get progressively smaller and heavier.
• 

  Final Comment

  • In Australia we are very familiar with the term ‘no worries’.  It is also well used in the UK.  We found the following writ large over the bar in a restaurant in Fionnphort on Mull;  Nullus Anxietas.  I think this is Latin for no worries.  Maybe St Columba said it on Iona in 595 AD, just over the water from the restaurant.

That’s it from the UK as we once knew it.  I have more insights fermenting so as always if you would like to be removed from the distribution list just say so and it will be.